Keep You Here And Human
by AJzkitten69
Summary: Damon finds Elena directly after the events of season 3, and they have a conversation concerning the decision she needs to make, along with all the things that should be said before she decides. Expanded from the original one-shot. Damon/Elena. Spoilers through the end of season 3. Rating bumped up to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _The Vampire Diaries _or any characters or actors associated with it. I just like to play with them. Title comes from the song "Scream, Scream, Scream," by Ludo.

**Author's Note: ** This story would not get out of my head, and so I poured it out onto the computer in the space of about eight hours. They jump subjects a lot, and it's choppy, but it's meant to be. The way I see it, with the year Elena has had, it's amazing she's even still relatively sane. Anyway, I promise, I AM working on more of "I Want To Feel Through You" and will hopefully have the next chapter out as soon as I work out the logistical issues I'm having with it.

**Spoilers:** Through the end of season 3.

Keep You Here And Human

It took Damon almost an hour to catch up with Stefan and Elena. They'd left the hospital just before he found where they'd been hiding out. Stefan's phone was going straight to voicemail. Damon would later find out that was because it had been in his pocket when he dove into the river to _not _save Elena.

He raced to her house and didn't find her there, then decimated the speed limit on his way back to the boarding house. He didn't even notice trivial things like stop lights or signs. In truth, it was a miracle he didn't kill someone between her house and his. He parked on the lawn and strode through the door, frantically extending his senses in search of Elena, knowing that every second was precious. If things somehow didn't go his way, any time spent with her could be his last.

Stefan emerged calmly from the parlor, his hands in his pockets as he struggled to look anywhere but at his brother. "Damon..."

Damon was having none of _anything _Stefan might have to say. It might have been some sort of consolation, or self-flagellation, or some misguided attempt to soothe him, but not a single one of those things mattered in that moment. He would deal with it later, just as he would later deal with just why in the _hell_ Stefan had allowed this to happen. He slammed Stefan up against the nearest wall with more force than necessary, his rage and pain from that last thought driving him. "Where. Is. She?"

To his credit, Stefan didn't react. If he had fought back, Damon would have been compelled to further violence, and that wouldn't help anyone. "She's upstairs." Pain flickered across his features for just a second, his brow more furrowed than usual, and then it was gone. "She's waiting in your room."

Damon released Stefan without another word and sped up to his room. He was in front of his door in less than two seconds, and it was only then that he stopped, took a deep and entirely unnecessary breath to compose himself, and opened the door.

He looked around his room. Nothing was out of place...except that Elena Gilbert was huddled against the wall, her knees drawn up to her chest, and looking somehow smaller than he'd ever seen her be. A shaft of sunlight from his partially opened window hit the wall about a foot to her left. She'd been staring at the light, but her eyes moved to him as soon as he walked through the door. She didn't say anything, just stared at him. He could see just by looking at her that she was still in transition. Still deciding. Some corner of his awareness that was still functioning heard Stefan leave the house, giving them some privacy.

Damon grabbed a high-backed chair and dragged it toward her, intent on sitting backwards on it while he talked to her, but once he got that close, he changed his mind and slumped down against the wall next to her, leaving barely an inch between them. On her right side, away from the sunlight that had fascinated her.

"I wanted you to be a vampire," he admitted abruptly, not sure of what else to say at first. "I've always wanted you to be a vampire. My completely selfish desire to never have to see you die."

Elena nodded, accepting. "I know."

"Of course you do. But you also have to know that I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted you to _choose _to be a vampire." He shook his head, a little angry at himself. "Stupid, really. Humans rarely choose to change when they still have other options available. But there it is. I wanted you to want to stay with us." He sighed, then forced himself to admit the truth to her out loud. "With me."

"I _do _want to stay," she admitted. "I know what you must think, Damon, but I never _wanted _to die." Suddenly, her voice was choked with tears. Damon took her hand, and she intertwined her fingers with his, using his presence to ground herself. "I don't want to go. But I don't want to be a vampire either. And now I have this clock inside me, ticking down and forcing me to choose. Death or eternity."

To take her mind off that for a few seconds, he asked, "Why here, Elena? Why my room?"

His question, seemingly coming out of nowhere, shocked her enough that she stopped crying. Elena wiped her eyes and looked at his bed, observing the way the sheets fell and remembering how they felt against her skin, cool silk contrasting with Damon's feverish body. "You almost died in this room."

"Yeah, well, I personally hope you aren't planning to follow my stellar example. But you didn't answer my question, unless you're saying that my room seems like an appropriate place to contemplate death."

The word 'death' seemed to remind her of something else vitally important, and she used her dread of that subject to avoid answering his question. "Ric?" she asked.

If he had been talking to anyone else, or if this had been any other time, the conversation would have ended there. He would have left at great haste to drown himself in a bottle. But this was Elena, and she was in transition, and there wasn't a power on earth that could drag him from her side.

The truth was, even if he lived a thousand more years, he didn't think he would ever fully recover from the absolute gut-wrenching _agony _of that event. Watching his best friend die _again_ and knowing that somewhere in Mystic Falls, far out of his protective reach, the woman he loved was dying as well. Helpless to do anything to save either one. Even if he'd known Elena had vampire blood, _his _blood, in her system, that moment would still haunt him for the rest of his life.

He didn't tell her any of that, of course. There might someday be a time to share that story with her – probably not, but anything was possible – but it wasn't now. "Gone," he said simply.

Elena jerked at the bleakness in his voice and turned to study his face. He shook his head. "Not today, Elena. I can't today."

"What if I don't have a tomorrow?" she whispered.

"Is that the way you're leaning?" he asked carefully, trying not to show any emotion while he screamed internally.

Elena shrugged as if all of his sanity didn't rest on her answer. "I don't know. I've only talked to Stefan about it, and he was very...well, Stefan. You know. He'll support my decision no matter what I choose. He'll help me adapt if I turn, teach me how to live off animals..."

Damon's rage reared its ugly head, and he couldn't help the less than kind words about his brother that came pouring out of him. "Well, of course he'll support your decision. He's already let you die once today. What's one more time? Hey, I hear it actually gets easier after the first time."

"It wasn't his fault, Damon. I made him save Matt first."

Damon wasn't too clear on all the details yet. All he'd been able to gather was from what he half heard from Meredith, who trailed on his heels as he made his way down to the morgue in search for Elena. She'd gotten her information from Stefan, who'd heard part of the story from a barely-conscious, guilt-ridden Matt. What he knew was simple. It was Matt's fault. It was Rebekah's fault. It was Stefan's fault. Matt put her in a situation that Rebekah could take advantage of, and Stefan, who, unlike Damon, had the opportunity to save her, failed.

"Right. Not Stefan's fault. Sure," Damon said, then veered slightly off that subject for something else stupid that Stefan was doing. "For the record, a new vampire shouldn't start off on the patented Stefan Salvatore Bunny Buffet. For one thing, it'll make you a weak vampire, and a weak vampire can't protect herself. Also, you'll need to learn moderation and control, not...whatever it is you learn from what Stefan eats. There's not an exact formula for how rippers are made, but I'm pretty sure that's a good place to start. He never learned to control his bloodlust for humans, and so it controls him."

"I kind of guessed that," she said. She leaned closer to him, and he untangled his fingers from hers so that he could wrap his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Another thing I might have to look forward to. Eating people. Wanting to drink Bonnie's blood. Jeremy's."

"Elena...as a vampire, your strongest traits will be exaggerated. You love the people in your life. That, if anything, is your single strongest trait. I don't think for a second you'd harm them, even on accident." He turned his face into her hair, which smelled of the river, but he could detect her scent underneath, and he breathed it in before pressing his question again. "Why, Elena? Why were you waiting for _me?_ You..." He took a deep breath, holding back the pain of his next words. "You made your choice, so why my room?"

And the tears were back. "No, Damon, I made my choice for right now! For today, I made my choice. But I didn't make my choice for _always! _I thought I did, a long time ago before Klaus and Stefan going crazy and you and me and...and things used to be so clear. I used to just love Stefan and wish you would stop flirting with me and confusing me and making me question, every single day, if I still loved Stefan or if I wasn't completely his anymore."

Damon pulled her closer and let her tears ruin his shirt. "I made you question that?"

"Yes, and it made me want to strangle you! But then I realized that I _should_ question that! If I don't _know, _with absolute certainty, that I'm supposed to be with someone, that I _want _to be with someone, then yes, I _should_ be asking myself that question. And Damon, there were times when I couldn't sleep because I was asking myself that question over and over again, and...Stefan wasn't always the answer. So I was wrong when I said that it was always going to be Stefan. It's _not_ always Stefan. But...I don't want to be Katherine. I _can't _be Katherine."

He realized then that things had changed even more than he'd noticed in the past few months. While he'd still had to hear Elena say over and over again that she loved Stefan, he could barely remember the last time he'd heard her tell him she _didn't _love him. He had never been in love with two people at once. When he was in love, that woman owned him, body and soul. But he knew it was possible, in theory anyway, to love two people. The last thing he'd asked her before the crash was if she would have chosen him. Now, he asked a different question, his casual tone masking how much her answer meant to him. "Do you love me, Elena?"

She sighed and reined in her tears again. She couldn't seem to stop crying for long. "I know my emotions are going to get a little overwhelming at times if I turn. But right now...while I'm in transition, are they still...normal? For lack of a better word."

"Your emotions will always be _your_ emotions. They'll just be exaggerated, and you'll have to learn to recognize that. But no, that effect doesn't start until after transition."

Elena pulled away from him, but only so she could force herself to look at him, to watch his face when he took in her words. "Then yes," she admitted, finally. "Yes, I do."

It was only because Damon knew that she was still considering dying that he was able to keep the happiness off his face, but he knew the wonder at actually hearing that from someone who meant it had to make an appearance before he was able to school his features again. "Then you're not like Katherine," he replied. "She might have loved me, enough to turn me at least, but she never loved me enough to even consider releasing me."

Elena lowered her head and studied her toes for a second. She'd told him she was letting him go, and then he'd found her sitting alone in his bedroom, preferring her own company to Stefan's, at least until she could talk to him. "That's why I couldn't choose, Damon. I knew if I chose one, the other would leave, and I'd never see him again. And the thought of having to go more than a day or two without seeing you or talking to you was killing me. But I knew I was being so selfish, so I chose, and now you can see me completely ignoring that I made a choice at all...right back in the middle. I couldn't even keep my mind made up for one day."

Damon smirked, but there was no humor in it. "Go a little easier on yourself, Elena. You couldn't have known that you'd be dead five minutes later. I know from experience that that can change everything."

"I'm here because I heard what Stefan had to say about what I should do. Now I have to hear what you have to say," Elena told him, finally answering another one of his questions.

He was able to read between the lines and understood what she was really saying. She loved Stefan, so she'd gotten his opinion. And she loved him, and she needed his as well before she could make a decision. He tried not to think too much about how she apparently found his room to be a source of comfort. If she wanted to wait in his bedroom instead of in the parlor or the library, he wasn't about to argue with her about it.

"Well, I _won't_ support you either way. I don't support you choosing to die. But when you become a vampire, I'll teach you everything I know. I'll make sure you know how to survive. I'll make sure you get a ring so that you don't have to live in darkness, and I'll make sure that no matter how you choose to drink, whether it be from bunnies, blood bags, or straight from the source, you know how to control yourself and cover your tracks." He sighed. He wasn't sure how to sell her on vampirism, since he knew she didn't really want to be one. After a while, he said, "It's really not that bad. I mean, look at Caroline." He winced. He hated to use Vampire Barbie as a role model, but the truth was that she had adapted to life as a vampire far better than she'd ever adapted to life as a human.

Elena watched Damon carefully. _"When _I become a vampire? Damon...what will you do if I choose not to turn?"

He didn't even pause to think about it. He already knew exactly what he would do. "If you choose not to turn, I'll find Matt Donovan, bite him, and lock the two of you in the cellar together. See what happens."

She had figured as much, but she still had to ask, "You would do that? Even after the way you were turned?"

"Stefan all but forced that girl's blood down my throat because he loved me. I've always known that, but this is the first time I truly understand it." He shook his head again, then turned his intense gaze on her once again. "I know you don't want to accept this, Elena, but sometimes love _is _selfish. Or at least it can seem that way. There are times when letting someone go can be the truest expression of love...and there are times when absolutely refusing to let that person go, no matter what happens, can be love. The trick is in knowing the difference."

She could accept that. Now that she had a little more perspective, she knew that she didn't know everything about love, not at eighteen. Damon didn't know everything either, but he had some considerable experience on her. "How do you know the difference?"

Damon looked away, unable to look into her eyes while he thought about the one time he'd been able to let her go, even if she didn't remember it...which she would soon. "If the person you love benefits from being let go, then it's the right thing to do." He looked back at her again, both hoping she wouldn't notice his discomfort with the subject and knowing she would learn the reason for it soon enough. "And no one benefits from your death, Elena."

"Do you benefit from my letting you go?" she asked, her voice very small.

"No," he answered after some thought. "I don't."

She nodded, filing that away, and let her thoughts drift to Caroline, as he'd suggested. She knew Damon was right, at least about that. Maybe life as a vampire wouldn't be so horrible. She'd never have children, but she didn't particularly want to pass the doppelganger curse on to any descendants anyway. "I don't really have a choice here, do I? You're not going to let me die, no matter how I might feel about it."

"No, but I still want you to choose anyway." He shrugged. "It might be pointless, but I want you to choose to live, not to be dragged into being a vampire. You don't need any more reasons to be mad at me."

She sighed. She didn't know how much time she had left, but it couldn't be longer than another few hours. "I need to think."

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Damon asked. He hated the idea of letting her out of his sight at a time like this – or at any other time, for that matter – but if she needed solitude to work things out, he could at least try to give her that.

He started to move to get up, but she said, "No." She moved closer to him again, leaning into him as she had before, and he carefully placed his arm around her again. "Just be quiet and sit with me, okay?"

He gave her one of his half smiles, squeezed her shoulder, and said, "I can...probably do that. Can I ask one last question though?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"What are you so afraid of? What is it about being a vampire that most makes you want to die instead of turn?"

Elena gave the question a good deal of thought, wanting to give him a fair and honest answer. "I don't want to lose my humanity. I know I'm flawed, and I've made some stupid decisions, and I've been completely unable to make other decisions that really matter...but for the most part, I like who I am. I don't want to lose that."

Damon made a dismissive noise. "Oh, that's the last thing you'll have to worry about. All these people you've surrounded yourself with – vampires, witches, humans, and even the annoying wolfboy – so long as you keep them in your life, they will keep you human. Luckily, at least half the people you care about are going to live forever too, so I don't think you'll ever lose your current idea of who Elena Gilbert is supposed to be."

She didn't respond, so he lapsed into silence as well, letting her think through her options, such as they were.

She would not be dead by the end of the day. That was a strange certainty to have for Elena. She'd been living with death hanging over her head for what seemed like forever. In truth, she was amazed she had even survived the week. Survived being a relative term, of course. So it seemed that all that was left to her was to decide whether she would accept her circumstances and become a vampire of her own free will, or if Damon would force Matt's blood down her throat and allow her to hate him – again – for doing what he thought was necessary. She didn't want to fall back into that pattern.

The more she thought about it, the more she felt that she could probably do it. She could be a vampire, so long as she had the people she loved around her to help ease the transition and to make the prospect of eternity less daunting. Stefan would be there to keep her from killing people, and Caroline could help her through the changes, having gone through transition so recently herself. Bonnie could make her a ring, and Damon –

Damon would leave her eventually because she hadn't chosen him. Even now that she'd all but taken back her choice, that left her still at that critical point where a choice needed to be made. She'd lose one of them if she made her choice, and she'd eventually lose both of them if she couldn't choose. Why did it all circle back to this? They needed her to choose – choose to live _and _choose one of them – and she could barely do one of those things. And she needed them to stay.

Finally, a thought occurred to her. It was selfish, and she knew it, but maybe Damon was right. If he didn't benefit from being set free, then she would give him his wish. It wasn't exactly making a choice between the two brothers, but it could at least buy her more time, which she would have in abundance in all other areas of her life. "Damon?"

"Yes?"

"I'll make you a deal."

"I'm all ears, Elena."

"I'll turn...willingly...if you keep your promise."

"And which promise would that be?" he asked, though he had a feeling he already knew.

She paused to make sure she truly wanted to say what she was about to say. She thought of that horrible day, where she had been attacked by Stefan, drained by Klaus, and rescued from the hospital by Damon. How she had felt safe for the first time in months as he carried her out. His guilt over being gone when she needed him. She wasn't sure she was doing the right thing by holding him to his word, but it was what she needed.

"You promised you'd never leave me again."

She was asking him to stay, and Damon knew he didn't have the power to deny her. But she needed more information before she could make a request like that. "You know...you might find some stuff out soon...and it might change your mind about wanting me around."

"You mean how you compelled me?" she asked.

Damon tensed up immediately, but Elena didn't move away from him, so he relaxed a little. "How did you know?" he asked after a while.

"I wasn't sure until just now, but there's a little hole in my memory I always wondered about. You think it'll change my mind?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not."

"Did you make me do anything against my will and then erase it?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer. Deep inside her, she knew Damon wouldn't do that to her.

"No!" he answered vehemently.

"Then it won't change my mind, no matter what it is. So I'll turn if you promise me you'll stay. No matter what. I'll stay if you stay."

Damon angled his body to look into her eyes. "No matter what?" he asked. "What if you decide you want me to go?"

Elena bit her lip, thinking about it. "I've wanted you to go a lot of times before. I've always changed my mind. And you've always come through and saved our lives anyway. So yeah, even if I want you to go. I never seem to want that for long."

He nodded, closed his eyes, and kissed her forehead. "I'll go find you some blood."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: ** Funny thing about this story. The original idea for it was meant to be a tiny sliver of the first part, definitely no more than 500 words. It ended up being over 4000, and then I was sure that I was done. And then came the requests for it to continue. And I caved. This story will now be four parts, probably at least 15000 words. From my little 500 word idea. Funny how these things can snowball.

Keep You Here And Human

Chapter Two

Elena stood outside the boarding house, basking in the sunlight for her last time as a human. It made her skin crawl. It wasn't burning her, as it would for the rest of her life, so long as she had no protective jewelry on her person. But it was far from comfortable. It was like the sun itself knew that there was something not quite _right _about her anymore, and she could almost feel the rays tickling over her skin, searching her to identify whether she was worthy to receive the sun's nourishment.

She shook her head, trying not to travel too far down _that_ particular road in her mind. Luckily, she heard Damon walking up behind her. He was always a wonderful distraction.

"There are people we need to call before I drink. How much time do I have?" she asked him, not turning around to look at him.

He stopped beside her. "When you feel yourself start to...slow down, I guess, is the best way I can describe it...anyway, when you feel that, you'll have about an hour, more or less. It's not an exact science. But we're not going to cut it that close. If you're feeling slow, you say something right away, and we'll get it done."

Elena ran her hand through her hair and sighed. "God. How do I tell them? I've got Bonnie, who hates vampires half the time, Caroline and Tyler, who have both gone through transitions of their own so recently, and Jeremy. I'm the only family he's got left, and now I'm going to be a vampire."

"Personally," Damon said easily, "I would recommend a mass text message." He mimed holding his phone in front of him and typing with his thumbs. "'Dear Superfriends and Baby Bro, the quarterback got me killed, but luckily, the rogue doctor dosed me with Damon's blood, so the next time you see me, keep your vervain to yourself. Toodles!'"

She laughed, and it felt good to do so. "Oh yeah, that would go over great. I wouldn't be trying to live it down for the next hundred years at all." She stopped then, her humor suddenly gone. _A hundred years, _she thought, dazed. _When did I start thinking about my life span in terms of centuries instead of weeks at best?_

Damon interrupted her disturbing thoughts again, this time by pressing his cell phone into her hand. Hers had been waterlogged. She made the calls quickly, starting with Jeremy, who was just relieved to hear her voice. Apparently, he'd had a visit from Alaric's ghost. Elena could hear the tears in his voice and knew that her call had probably come in the middle of Jeremy's despair, even if he would never admit to it out loud.

Regarding her upcoming transformation, he had only one thing to say. "Elena, you're my sister. Vampire or not, that doesn't change. I love you, and I'm glad you're alive, no matter what."

Elena tried to call Caroline next, and then Tyler, figuring that they would be far easier to tell than Bonnie, but neither of them were picking up. She was mildly concerned, but figured they were off somewhere, celebrating together in blissful ignorance.

Finally, she dialed Bonnie's number. She braced herself for her best friend's judgment. Bonnie hadn't handled Caroline's turning very well, and she couldn't imagine hers would be a great thrill either.

Bonnie picked up on the second ring. "Damon. Good to know you're still alive."

Elena noted that Bonnie _hadn't _said she was glad to hear it. Only that it was good to know. "Bonnie, it's Elena. I...I have some news."

"You only ever open conversations like that when I'm not going to like your news, Elena. So spill. What's up?"

Her friend sounded curiously distant, and Elena's brows furrowed. Something was off, but she didn't have the time to investigate. She'd have to look into it when she didn't have a time limit on her existence anymore. "I..." she started, and then stopped. She took a deep breath, and the words came tumbling out of her all at once. "Matt kidnapped me and accidentally drove his car off a bridge and Stefan dove in to rescue us but I made him save Matt first and I drowned and only found out when I woke up that Meredith gave me vampire blood to heal me and now I'm in transition."

The line was silent for a long moment, long enough for Elena to check that the call hadn't been disconnected. "Bonnie?"

"Whose blood turned you?" Bonnie asked abruptly.

If Elena hadn't been sure something was wrong before, she certainly was now, but all she could do at the moment was survive long enough to deal with whatever the _next _problem was. So she answered the question, all the while wondering why her best friend was having such a cold, emotionless reaction to news that should have been devastating to her. "Damon is pretty sure Meredith was still using his blood."

"Same bloodline," she murmured in reply, seemingly to herself. "Good. That's good."

"What? Why is that _good?"_ Elena asked.

"So you'll need a ring," Bonnie said abruptly, brushing off Elena's question as if she hadn't heard it. "I'll come by the boarding house tomorrow."

She hung up suddenly, leaving Elena more determined than ever to drink the blood and become a vampire. If there was something wrong with Bonnie, she _had _to be around to help, and since that meant becoming a vampire, it made the choice even easier.

The thought of choices brought Elena's mind back to the _other _choice that needed to be made. The idea of being caught in between two brothers for much longer was exhausting. She would have to make a real choice, one that she might actually stick with, and soon. Soon, but not yet. And speaking of, there was something she needed to tell Damon before Stefan returned. "Stefan doesn't know about the conversation we had before the crash. Only you and Matt know. I'd appreciate it if you kept it that way."

Confusion crossed Damon's features. "Why don't you want your hunny bunny to know that he's still the Chosen One? I doubt he'll be surprised."

She sighed. "Damon..." she started.

He held his hands up in surrender. "I know, I know. I shouldn't make bunny jokes about Stefan. It's in bad taste, considering his diet." One side of his mouth raised in that half smile she found so attractive. "Get it? Bad taste?"

She returned his smile briefly because she couldn't help it, then got serious again. "Damon, I know you still think it'll always be Stefan...but I'm not so sure anymore. I haven't been sure for a long time. If it goes his way, I'll hate myself for telling you this later, but...Stefan doesn't need to know that I thought I made my choice. It'll only hurt him more if I choose you, and that will do enough damage all on its own."

She sat down in the grass and turned her face up toward the sun, closing her eyes so it didn't blind her. "I'm sorry I can't choose yet. I really am. But I am so completely...lost. All I know is that it's one of you. But I'm about to start an entirely new life. I can't make a choice when everything is in such...upheaval." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "But then again, what's to stop me from making another excuse when I run out of steam on this one?"

Damon plopped down next to her. "Listen, I'm not in any rush for you to make your choice. As long as you don't make it, I'm still in the running, and that gives me a shot at a few more of those stolen kisses we seem to be getting so good at. The point is, let's put the eternal tug-of-war between me and Stefan on the back burner for now, okay? You've got bigger things to worry about. And the _last _thing I'm going to do is tell him that he won. I'd never hear the end of it, and on the off chance that it goes my way...I don't relish the thought of hurting him either. It's been a long time since I could say that, but...there it is."

He suddenly cocked his head to the side. "Well, speak of the devil. Stefan's on his way back, and he's bringing your first meal."

Elena strained her ears, but it was no good. Her hearing wasn't nearly on par with Damon's, not yet. But sure enough, a couple minutes after he'd announced Stefan's imminent return, she saw his car pull into the driveway, and he had a passenger. She squinted and could just make him out. _"Matt? _ What is Matt doing here? Shouldn't he still be in the hospital?"

She looked at Damon, whose facial expression was telling her that she was missing something _very _obvious. "What? Wait...no! No freaking way! I am _not _going to _eat _Matt! You promised you'd only force me to drink from him if I wasn't willing, and I'm willing, so you can't make me!"

"No one is making you do anything," Damon assured her. "Anyway, I'm not even in on this. I've been with you since I got home, remember? And don't you think we should listen to what the useless little turd has to say before we jump to any conclusions?"

Elena looked back and forth between Damon and the other two men, who were swiftly approaching her. On the one hand, she was troubled by Damon's obvious anger toward Matt. In her experience, when Damon was angry, he was even more dangerous than usual, and she didn't like that anger being directed toward one of her oldest friends...and undoubtedly, her most fragile. On the other hand, Matt _had _essentially killed her. At the very least, he had contributed to the set of circumstances that led to her death. She could understand Damon's anger, even if she didn't share it.

Stefan and Matt had made their way to her, and now they both stood about five feet away from her and Damon. Matt looked doubtfully at Elena, and then looked at Stefan, almost as if he was asking permission for something.

Stefan shook his head at Matt, refusing whatever the silent request had been. "It's up to you, Matt. This was _your _idea."

Matt took a deep breath and looked at Elena again, taking in her features as if it might be the last time he ever could. She didn't speak, waiting for him to do whatever it was he was planning. Finally, he held out his arm, his wrist up. "Do it."

Suddenly, Elena felt bloodlust slam into her. She hadn't been feeling any craving for blood at all, but then again, she'd only shared company with vampires since she'd woken up in transition. Now, live human blood was being freely offered to her, and every bit of control she had snapped. She didn't even think about it as she lunged for Matt.

And then she felt herself being pulled backwards, away from her friend, being held back by _Damon,_ of all people. She struggled against him, squirming in a way he would have found _very _appealing, under other circumstances.

Damon shot a glare to Stefan and Matt, making it very clear he didn't want either of them coming any closer. "What are you, _stupid?_ It's sunny out here, for crying out loud. You want her to drink and then burn to a crisp the second she turns?"

He pulled her tight against him, even as she still struggled to get at Matt's wrist, which he had wisely lowered once the calm, civil ceremony he'd imagined when he'd thought up this plan had dissolved before his eyes. Stefan was cursing himself for his thoughtlessness. For Elena's part, there was no thought but pure, animal instinct that screamed at her to get human blood into her system despite any obstacles she might encounter.

She barely felt the cool lips at her ear. "Elena," Damon said, his steady voice sliding like silk into her fogged mind. "You need to choose to do this, remember? _This_ isn't a choice. This is what letting your bloodlust rule you feels like...and we're not going to let that happen. Come back to me."

The longer he talked, the more Elena remembered that she was more than just the urge that drove her, and a savage attack on Matt wasn't likely to leave him alive. By the time Damon was done talking, she was herself again, though very shaken and mortified by the desire she'd felt to tear into one of her best friends.

Matt looked scared, and she couldn't blame him. She turned in Damon's arms. "You hold on to me through this, okay?" she asked.

He smiled at her. "Gladly."

She slowly extracted herself from the full body embrace Damon had held her in, but before her movement was completely free, he looped his arm through hers. To an onlooker, it might seem like he was about to escort her to a dance, but Elena could feel that, if necessary, he could easily use the hold to restrain her again. She was grateful for it. She turned back to Matt. "Matt...what are you doing here?"

Matt looked again to Stefan, but he was getting no help from him. "I know you're turning, and that's my fault. You need blood to turn, or you'll die. I wanted to offer mine."

"A blood bag will work just fine," Elena said tightly, looking to Damon for confirmation.

Damon looked hesitant. "A blood bag will turn you, but live blood will give you a leg up on your strength and speed. For the first few years, if you turn on a blood bag, you'll gain your abilities a little slower than any other transitioning vampires. Or at least, that's what I've heard," he said quickly, taking in the death glare Elena was leveling at him. "Blondie seems to be doing okay though."

"See? Blood bag. Fine," she said, looking back to Matt and hoping he would ignore everything Damon had just said.

She had no such luck, of course. "Elena, come on. If it hadn't been for me, none of this would have happened. But I thought I knew better than you what would be best for you, even though I've done everything I possibly could to keep out of all this insanity. But now you're in it for good, and it's because of me. So I _want _you to take my blood, even though a blood bag will work. You need every advantage you can get in this world you're joining, and if my blood can give you that, I've got some to spare."

"It will also probably make it easier for you to adapt. You'll get used to your new powers easier," Stefan said.

"Don't you drink vervain?" Damon asked. "She can't turn on your blood if it's got vervain in it. That could kill her."

"I haven't been drinking it for a few days. Too distracted," Matt said.

Damon looked at Stefan for some kind of confirmation. Stefan nodded. "I compelled him to make sure. He's clean."

Elena didn't even realize she had been subconsciously moving toward Matt until she felt Damon's arm tighten on hers. From the looks of them, Stefan and Matt hadn't noticed either.

"Why don't we take this conversation somewhere less sunny?" Damon asked. "Whichever way she chooses, Elena needs to drink soon, and the sun isn't healthy for her until she gets a ring."

They all seemed to recognize the wisdom of that idea and started walking back to the house. Stefan saw something glinting on the front doorstep and ran ahead to retrieve it. He was back quickly, with a delicate lapis lazuli ring in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other. He handed the ring to Elena and kept the paper. He read the elegant, flowing script out loud.

"'This ring looks fabulous on me, but it is so not my style. If you like it, it's yours. Careful though! It hasn't been spelled yet. See you soon.'"

"Katherine?" Elena asked. "How did she know?"

Stefan shrugged. "She's probably had her eye on us from afar since she took off."

"I'm more surprised that she gave a crap enough to send a ring," Damon said. "You like it?"

For the first time, she looked down to study the ring her ancestor had sent her. It had a band that appeared delicate, but she could tell from the feel of it that it was quite strong and wouldn't be wearing away over the centuries. There were Celtic knots etched into the silver. The stone was round and deep blue, polished so that it caught the light in a way that she found quite pretty. She loved it instantly. "It's better than anything I've got," she answered.

They reached the house and gathered in the kitchen. Stefan went about the task of closing any windows that might cast any harmful sunlight. Elena chewed on her bottom lip while everyone waited for her to make a decision about Matt. She wished she could ask someone else what they thought. Everyone who was with her seemed to think drinking from Matt was the best idea ever, and her list of reasons that it was terrible was declining with every word out of their mouths. She looked at Damon, who she'd dragged with her to one side of the kitchen, away from temptation by at least a few feet. He hadn't let her go yet, still holding on to her arm until she was sure her body wouldn't betray her and do something she'd regret for the rest of eternity. "You swear you won't let me kill him?" she asked.

"You have my word."

"And you either?" she pressed. She knew it would take a very long time for Damon to forgive Matt. It had just been a rare stroke of luck that Elena had died with Damon's blood in her system. On any other day, Matt's rash actions would have killed her, and she had no doubt that Damon would have brought a swift end to her friend's life for that. But the fact remained that she had survived, and she had to make sure Damon knew that Matt was off limits.

"I'm not going to kill your friend, Elena," Damon promised, sounding exasperated. "Unless he goes after me and mine," he added, sending a warning glare in Matt's direction. "Then it's open season on jock."

Elena couldn't deny the tiny thrill that raced through her when Damon referred to her as 'mine.' She knew he didn't mean it the way she heard it...except he would, if she let him. She shook that off in favor of more pressing matters. "How do I do this?" she whispered, half to herself.

"With a knife," Damon answered, taking charge of the situation. "You won't have fangs until you've already turned, so you'll do a lot more damage if you actually bite him. So we'll nick a vein and let you drink." He looked at his brother, considering for a moment. "Stefan, I'm gonna need you in the other room." Stefan opened his mouth to argue, but Damon continued, not giving him the opportunity to get a word in. "Frankly, you are not a vampire who can be trusted around human blood. I'll admit that you're getting better, which is why I'm putting you on first aid duty, but there's no way I'm letting you stay in here for the feeding. I've got enough on my hands trying to make sure that Elena's first meal doesn't turn into her first _kill._ The last thing I need is another unpredictable vampire to worry about. So get some supplies, go to the parlor, and be ready to put him back together after Elena's done."

Stefan shoved his hands in his pockets, obviously angry at Damon, but the problem was that he couldn't deny that he was right. "Fine," he bit out, before exiting the room at speed.

Damon turned to Elena, using his free hand to turn her head toward his. "Okay, Elena, here is what is going to happen. I'm going to cut open Matt's arm, and you're going to want to suck out all his blood right away. But you're not going to do that because you don't want those feelings to overpower you, and it's best to start early when you're trying to control these things. So you're going to stand very still until you know that it's _your choice, _not your instincts, that tells you to go drink his blood. Then you're going to calmly walk over and have yourself a drink."

"How much do I have to drink?" she asked him.

"Drink until it tastes good," he told her. "And then try to stop. If you can't, don't worry. I'll stop you."

Damon carefully released Elena from his grip and quickly found a knife that would work for him. He approached Matt slowly. With a glance at the soon-to-be vampire, Matt raised his arm, and Damon took hold of it. He positioned the knife to cut him."I could compel you, you know. This doesn't have to hurt."

Matt looked into Damon's eyes, and for the first time, Damon could see the agony and guilt that Matt would carry for the rest of his days for his part in what had happened to Elena. He would probably still never forgive him, but knowing that Matt would never forgive _himself _helped a little. "It _should_ hurt," Matt replied. "So no thanks."

Damon nodded and looked at Elena again. "Are you ready, Elena?"

Her eyes were huge and panicked, but she slowly nodded, bracing herself for the temptation to overwhelm her again.

Damon made the cut. It was shallow and would heal quickly once Elena was done, but it would be more than enough to satiate her. He turned to watch Elena, all of his senses hyper aware, waiting for anything to go wrong.

Elena gripped the counter so hard she thought she might break her fingers, and she stayed in place. She could smell the blood, something she thought she wouldn't have to deal with until after she turned. She stared at the life-giving liquid that was welling out of Matt's arm. Mentally, she was repulsed by the idea of drinking blood. Physically though, her body yearned for it.

She waited until the throbbing need in her mind died down and breathed in slowly. Only when she was sure that it was her brain commanding her to take a step forward and not anything else, she walked stiffly over to Matt. She positioned herself between Matt and Damon, making sure Damon was standing at the right angle to haul her away if he found it necessary to do so. She took Matt's arm in her hand and raised it to her lips. With herculean effort, she tore her eyes away from the blood to look at the first boy she'd thought she loved. "Thank you, Matt," she whispered.

And then she put her mouth to his arm and took a tentative sip.

At first, it tasted just like she had always known blood to taste. Coppery, like a penny that shouldn't have been in her mouth in the first place. But with every bit that went down her throat, it tasted better. After about thirty seconds of slow, careful drinking, it tasted like warm, wet..._life._ She couldn't find any other word to describe it. It was flavored with hints of the foods that Matt favored, steak and kiwi and Mountain Dew, but the mixing of those flavors wasn't disgusting, as it would have been to her human taste buds. She could also taste that Matt was afraid and sad, but sure of himself for the first time in a long while.

Elena felt Damon shifting behind her, getting ready to pull her away, and she forced herself to stop. She raised her head away from his arm, pushed back against Damon to free herself, and found herself across the room faster than she ever thought she could get there.

Matt looked at her, shocked. "Whoa. Elena, your face..."

"Parlor," Damon snapped at him. "Now."

The only human left in the house left the room at speed, and Elena didn't follow him. She was busy running a hand over her face, already knowing what Matt had been talking about, but needing to feel it for herself. She ran a finger under her eyes and felt the veins there popping out. She poked her tongue at her teeth and felt her fangs. She froze, unsure of what to do next.

Damon was already in front of her with a wet washcloth in his hand. "Let's get you cleaned up, huh?"

He raised the washcloth to her face and gently began to remove all traces of Matt's blood. Elena's breath hitched when the washcloth touched her skin. It felt better than she could ever remember something like that feeling.

He noticed. "Soft, right? Yeah. Your senses are heightened. I bet you can hear Stefan brooding from all the way across the house."

She concentrated and realized that he was right. Stefan was pacing while he waited for Matt to get to him, all the while muttering curses aimed at Damon. She smiled a little. "Does he know I can hear him?"

The cursing stopped immediately. The pacing didn't.

"Will Matt be okay?" she asked Damon. At the sobering thought, she felt her fangs retract and her eyes return to normal. She was relieved.

"He'll be good as new in a day or two. Stefan will patch him up, and we'll get some food into him. You did _really _well, Elena. I never thought for a second that I wouldn't have to drag you off of him."

"He's my friend," she murmured.

"Friend or foe, that kind of restraint is impressive, especially since you just turned. I know you never wanted this, but you're going to make an awesome vampire."

Having finished cleaning her up, Damon tossed the cloth in the sink and ran water over it. She caught his wrist. "I don't know if I'll ever be happy to be a vampire," she whispered, hoping she was quiet enough that Stefan wouldn't hear her. "But I'm glad that I'm staying. I..." The tears popped into her eyes before she could even think to stop them, and she knew her emotions were no longer entirely under her control. "I can never thank you enough for helping me through this. You've been so wonderful. I-"

Damon suddenly had her trapped between the counter and his body, one hand over her mouth. "Don't," he said. "Please, Elena, don't say..._that..._not again. Not until you're sure it's not just your exaggerated emotions. And, even more importantly, not until you're sure that it's _me _you want to be saying it to. Then, you can say it every day, and I'll never get tired of hearing it. But not until you're sure."

He was right. She _had _been about to say she loved him...and hearing that, knowing she might still choose his brother, would be torture. She nodded, letting him know she understood, and he removed his hand from her mouth.

"I'm just saying," Elena said carefully, weighing each word so that she knew she meant them before she let them pass from her lips, "that I'm happy to not be dead, and even happier that you stayed."

Damon smiled at her and backed away, letting her ease herself away from the counter. "Can't think of anyplace else I'd rather be."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: **The rating has been bumped up due to events of this chapter, just to be safe. I thought about making it full on smut, but that takes me forever to write, and it is my goal to have this story completed before the season 4 premiere. So this is what I went with.

**Dedication:** StridingFreedom requested a chapter like this in a review for the original one-shot this story was, so this chapter is dedicated to StridingFreedom. Don't worry, kat st james, a chapter is coming up for you as well!

Keep You Here And Human

Chapter Three

It was decided fairly quickly that Elena couldn't keep living with Jeremy. Not right away, at least. As loathe as she was to leave her sixteen year old brother living by himself with absolutely no family or adult supervision, she knew it was better than him living in a house with his vampire sister who might or might not have enough discipline to not eat him at any given moment.

So, within twenty-four hours of her transition into her new life, Elena had moved in with the Salvatore brothers. After all, they did technically live in a boarding house. They had more spare rooms than they knew what to do with. She just had to choose one. She carefully selected a room that seemed to be equally distant from both Stefan and Damon, not wanting them to view her choice in bedrooms as a sign of her preference. Within an hour, while she was packing up some things from home, the industrious vampires had made the room ready for her, and she knew she'd be welcome to stay there for as long as she needed to.

She didn't even get a chance to settle in before her entire world shifted _again_.

The memories came in flashes, and at first, Elena thought she might be having a seizure. She just suddenly remembered history that she had never known. Events that might have changed everything in her life, if Damon hadn't compelled her to forget them.

As soon as the past started dropping into place in her mind, Elena raced up to Damon's room, completely forgetting that she had a sanctum of her own to hide in and ignoring that she was mid-conversation with Stefan. She didn't want to expose him to any reaction she might have over what might have happened that Damon had seen fit to make her forget.

She _had _met him first. She winced as she saw his face in her mind, only minutes before her parents died. The memory didn't hurt her. However, she could guess how Damon must have felt when she told him, "Maybe if I had met you first." That knowledge was tearing her apart. Even though she knew it was Damon's choice to delete her memory, and therefore his fault that he might have ended up regretting it, she couldn't help but feel heartbroken on his behalf. She'd practically had to rip her own soul out in order to let him go, and she hadn't even known how much worse it must have been for him.

Elena collapsed on Damon's bed while her mind continued to fill itself in. Second by second, she remembered more details of their real first meeting, which hadn't been the awkward moment that Stefan interrupted, like she had originally remembered. It had been...magical. She had been feeling so lost that night, so unsure about everything, particularly about her relationship with Matt.

And then suddenly, a stranger had come into her life, and she'd felt more passion for him, not even knowing his full name, than she'd _ever _felt for Matt. He was a beautiful man that she'd never met, and yet he somehow knew and was able to put into words what she was only just discovering about herself. _You want a love that consumes you._

She froze as she remembered those words. Isn't that what she told Matt? She should love the person who made her glad to be alive...but Damon consumed her. That was the exact word that she had used. She had wanted Damon so badly that first night. It hadn't mattered that she had just met him, that he was older than her, or that he had thought she was someone else at first.

Elena was horrified to realize that, before Stefan had arrived to complicate matters, she had felt a pull like she'd never known before toward Damon. If Stefan had never come to Mystic Falls...

Well, if Stefan had never come to Mystic Falls, Elena would have died at the bottom of the lake, as she later would anyway, the only difference being that she wouldn't have come back the first time.

So, she corrected herself, if Stefan had never come to Mystic Falls _and _her parents hadn't driven off the bridge, she would have been with Damon. There was no question in her mind about that.

Before she could think any more about what it would have been like, Damon entered his room. He took in her form, lying across the foot of his bed with one hand thrown over her eyes and the other pressed to her temple, as if she were trying to massage away a headache. When she heard his motion, she dropped both hands back to the bed and turned her eyes to him. A crease appeared between them as she stared at him, waiting for him to speak first.

Damon smirked. "So _this _is why Stefan was pouting."

"I met you first," Elena blurted out, unable to hold it in for another second. She _needed _Damon to say something, to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. Part of her wanted to lock herself in her room and re-examine every moment she and Damon had ever shared, looking at each with the knowledge that he'd known her first. Even though she knew she would only drive herself crazy by doing that, the temptation was still there.

He closed the door behind him and then leaned against it, not sure if she was in the mood to allow him any closer. He'd thought about if or when Elena would regain this memory about a zillion and five times over the last year, but the more he'd fallen for her, the less he'd had any idea what he would say when the time came to explain himself. Now, despite the fact that he'd known this moment was coming, he still couldn't find any excuse for what he'd taken from her...and she hadn't even mentioned his second act of compulsion yet. The only words that came to him were "Yeah...you did."

She stopped looking at him, choosing to gaze at the ceiling again. "Part of me wants to apologize," she admitted. "For every time that my decisions were based on knowing Stefan first. But for once, I know that this wasn't my fault. I couldn't have known any better. This one's on you, Damon."

"Don't you think I know that?" he asked harshly, drawing her eyes to him again. He saw the hurt there, and he knew it would only get worse when she remembered more. "I'm not a person who has regrets. But I _do _regret that." Not one to let himself or anyone else dwell on his weaknesses, Damon quickly switched the subject back to her feelings on the matter. "You know now, though, finally. So tell me, Elena. How do you think things would have been different if I'd never taken that memory?"

Elena's mind spun off into wild fantasy for a moment, of stolen kisses and town events where her arm candy was Damon instead of Stefan, but she quickly pulled herself back to reality. He wasn't _her _Damon back then. "I would have been your blood bag instead of Caroline."

He raised one infuriating eyebrow. "Do you really think that's true?"

She thought about it again, going over the way Damon was with her in the beginning. He'd always been a little different with her. Slightly more honest with her than he was with anyone else. Just that tiny bit gentler, both with her body and her emotions. Even in moments when he was supposed to be threatening her, like when he'd fed her his blood and told Stefan he'd snap her neck. Looking back, she realized that he'd held her firmly, preventing her escape...but his hold had also prevented her struggles from injuring herself, and really, it hadn't even been painful. Just mildly uncomfortable. And as he released her, the way he ran his hand down her hair and arm...it felt like an apology, either for scaring her or using her as his pawn, she didn't know. And then, after everything, he'd been sure to keep her steady on her feet until Stefan's arms could hold her up again.

"No," she finally said. "You wouldn't have done that. Not to me." Before he could push her any more, she went on the offensive again, trying to keep him from asking the right questions. "But you _did _do it to Caroline. We can talk all day about what would have been different, but it's _not._ You treated Caroline like your own personal fast food joint. You turned Vicki. You snapped my brother's neck." She sighed and sat up, folding one leg underneath her body and leaving the other to dangle off the edge of his bed. "I've forgiven you for all that, Damon. But it's still there. Our history is still our history. Yes, it _could _have been different, but that doesn't change the past."

"I _know _nothing changes, Elena. You think _I _believe in do-overs? Me? I'm not asking you to pretend that meeting me first glosses over anything I've done, good _or _bad." He made sure to catch her eyes before he went on. "All I'm asking is for you to really think about it and tell me how it would have gone if you'd met _me, _the person I am right now, not the person I was then, before you'd met Stefan."

Her eyes widened, and she looked away from him, muttering, "Damn it." _That _was the right question, the one she had really hoped he wouldn't ask. Because she already knew the answer, and she didn't want to think about it anymore. "You're missing the point," she said quietly.

"Since you're saying this is all pretty much pointless, I'm not sure how I can be missing the point." Damon narrowed his eyes at her, and she felt his glare, even as she refused to meet his eyes again. "What I _am_ sure of is that you're refusing to answer my question. Why?"

"Because Stefan would never have had a chance!" Elena yelled, startling even herself.

In the silence that followed her confession, she heard something break downstairs, and she flinched. Stefan had heard her, and he'd been hurt by her words. A moment later, she heard the front door open and then quickly slam shut. They were alone now. She'd have to smooth things over with Stefan later, though she knew, ultimately, there would be no way to leave both Damon and Stefan undamaged. That was the corner she had painted herself into. No matter which way she moved, she would harm someone she loved, and she would suffer for the pain she caused.

"That was what you wanted to hear, wasn't it?" Elena asked, searching his face for some clue of what was going through his mind. "Does it help you to know that, Damon? Does it help _anyone?"_

"Does it help me to know that I'm not crazy? That I'm not the only one feeling this insane connection? That I'm not, once again, in love with a woman who is _incapable _of loving me? Yes, Elena, it helps."

All of a sudden, Elena's eyes went out of focus, and she stopped talking. She seemed to stare into the distance, and Damon knew she was looking into her past again, regaining the second thing he'd taken from her. The seconds ticked by, and he remained frozen, still standing with his back to the door, torn between moving closer to her and fleeing the house. Or maybe the town.

Except he'd promised her that he wouldn't, no matter what.

Her eyes came back into focus, back to the present. "So that's what happened," she whispered, and then, despite how much she was trying to control herself, the tears came.

That made Damon's decision for him, and he went to where she still sat on his bed. She shifted around so that both her legs hung off the side and then launched herself at him as soon as he got close enough, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Surprised, he hesitantly embraced her while she sobbed into his shoulder. He was so distressed by her tears that he barely even noticed the position he found himself in, standing between her open legs, alone with her in his bedroom.

After a few minutes, she pulled away and hit him in the shoulder she'd just been using to muffle her tears. She was surprised when he stumbled back a step before returning to her. She wasn't used to her new strength yet. "Why?" she asked. "Why would you take that from me? You let me keep all the horrible things, and you take _that _away?"

"You didn't want to hear it," her murmured softly, stroking his hand over her hair in a motion he hoped was comforting. "I could see it all over your face. You probably already knew, but you weren't ready to believe it."

Elena looked up into Damon's eyes, trying to discern if he was really that dense. What she saw there destroyed all of her anger at him in a moment. New knowledge burned in her, and she knew that, even if she chose Stefan, Damon would keep a good-sized chunk of her heart for all eternity. "God," she whispered, touching his cheek gently. "You are so broken, aren't you?"

He put his hand around her wrist, removing her fingers from his face. "I'm fine," he said shortly. "You're the one who's crying here, not me."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it," she scolded him. She drew her arm back from him and caught his hand in both of hers when he tried to release her. She pulled him closer as she held his hand to her chest, right over her heart. He stared at her, confused at her refusal to let him go. "You want to be loved more than anything in the world." Damon opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off. "I know you'll never admit it, maybe not even to yourself, but you know how they say actions speak louder than words? Well, your actions scream. But there's not even the tiniest part of you that thinks you _deserve _the love you want so badly."

Damon's voice echoed through her memories, while the present Damon that stood in front of her seemed lost for words. _I don't deserve you...but my brother does._

He searched her face for clues as to what was going through her head. Finding none, he asked, "What exactly are you saying, Elena?"

She took a deep breath and really thought about whether or not it was wise to elaborate on her words. It didn't surprise her that what ultimately made her decision was how much Damon needed her to do so. "What you thought my reaction was that night...it wasn't an unwillingness to hear what you were saying. It was conflict."

"Conflict," he repeated, his voice lacking any understanding.

"Yes, conflict. At the time, I was already debating whether or not Stefan was the best choice for me. Not only for my safety or my family's safety, and not only because he was a vampire. I mean, yes, there was that. I was definitely wondering if there was a way out of this madness, even if I had to give him up. But I was also debating Stefan himself. I hadn't really stopped to consider whether he was right for me until that time. And then you showed up, and you'd just rescued me from Elijah, and you brought my necklace back to me, and you were saying such wonderful things...that was the first time, Damon. The first time I ever _really_ thought about what it would be like if I was with you, not Stefan. And then..." She sighed, knowing how much he'd be kicking himself for this. "And then you told me that I should be with your brother and compelled me to forget you were ever there. And maybe that idea just festered, and I went back to Stefan. I don't know. I can't know if that's how it happened...but I know I didn't have any new doubts about him after that night. Not until he ran off with Klaus, anyway."

Damon looked away from her, finding the information she'd given him equally wonderful and unbearable. "I screwed it up again, didn't I?"

Elena remembered with perfect clarity what Damon had said during her transition. _If the person you love benefits from being let go, then it's the right thing to do. _"Yes. And no." He looked back at her, completely lost. She rushed to explain. "There was a part of me that was glad you weren't going to let me remember. Not because I didn't want to know, but...I just thought things would be so much simpler if I could let you go. And I would never have been able to do that after what you told me. So I didn't fight you, even though I wanted to. My point is...we were both wrong, Damon. But I know you were trying to...do the right thing," she said carefully, hoping he would remember his words to her as well as she did. "So I'm not going to sit here and punish you for that."

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. She finally released his hand, but only so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders, anchoring him to her even as she scolded herself for doing so when a decision hadn't yet been made. The hand she'd released trailed up her back and under the fall of her hair to caress the back of her neck. It would take less than a second for him to pull her lips to his, and they were both very aware of it.

"God," he murmured, marveling at her seemingly endless supply of forgiveness, "I really _don't_ deserve you."

"No," she agreed sadly, "you don't."

His head snapped up, the hurt radiating from him at her confirmation of every bad thing he believed about himself. She realized instantly that she should have let him in on her thoughts before she'd said that. He tried to pull away again, but she wouldn't let him. "No, Damon. No. Not like that. You...you deserve someone who can make a choice. So does Stefan. But instead...you've got me." She bit her lip and looked down. "I know I'm hurting you both every day that I let this drag on. But I just...can't."

With considerable effort, Elena kept herself from crying. She had only been a vampire a few days, but so far, her very least favorite thing about it was her complete lack of control over her emotions. Whenever she got even the slightest bit sad, or even when she felt bad about what she inflicted upon Damon or Stefan, she was instantly depressed, and the tears would come. She was learning, though. She had to, or she'd be a wreck more often than not.

Damon watched her almost crumble and then pull herself back together, and he felt a bit of pride for her. "Elena...honestly, I don't care anymore whether I deserve you or not. The only thing that matters to me now is what's going on in your head. Well, that and keeping you safe and, if possible, happy. The point is, if you want me, it doesn't matter that you're way too good for me. Yes, our history will always be our history, like you said, but you and I both know that it's not our whole story."

The depression passed as quickly as it had come, and Elena was suddenly painfully aware of the lust that always simmered at the back of her mind whenever she was close to Damon. Like everything else she felt, it was magnified now that she was a vampire. Magnified _a lot, _from the feel of it. Her skin tingled where his fingers touched, and desire pooled low in her belly when she finally realized the provocative position they had managed to tangle themselves into. Just like the tears, she tried to force that feeling away, wanting to continue their conversation, not give in to her urges before she really should.

"I'm not too good for you, Damon. I just wish...I wish you would stop seeing only the worst in yourself. There's so much good too, and you don't believe it. God, do you even believe _me _when I say I love you?"

Damon winced, and she knew it wasn't because the words themselves hurt him, but because he feared they wouldn't come again once everything settled down. He took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to not answer her question, and he suddenly went stiff in her arms. He had caught the scent she was giving off. When he looked into her eyes again, his pupils were dilated, and she could see the tension in him, all the effort he was putting forth in order to not take advantage of the situation. "You need to leave," he said, his voice tight, but even as he spoke, his left hand grasped tighter into her hair, gently pulling her head to one side, while the fingers of his right hand trailed over the sensitive area near the quickening beat of her pulse.

"I know," she gasped. "And I will, but not until you answer my question."

"Elena," he groaned. Her eyes were growing more hazy with lust by the second, and he had to stop himself _and _her if he didn't want to risk her rage and guilt if they gave in. "Listen to me. I need you to leave this room _right this instant _because I can only hold myself back so much. If you let yourself do what you want right now..." He pulled her closer and whispered into her ear, only barely resisting the temptation to touch his tongue to her. "I'm not strong enough to stop you."

Elena was completely lost. She was trying to fight against the feelings inside her, but she was losing quickly. She was thinking _very _naughty thoughts about him, which turned her on, which caused her to think _more _naughty thoughts. Images kept flashing through her mind, not misplaced memories this time, but every fantasy about Damon she'd ever tried to deny rushed through her head, there just long enough to heighten her arousal and then gone again. Every second, it got more intense. "Oh my...what is happening to me, Damon?" She couldn't stop herself. Her fingers scrabbled over his forearms, desperate to touch him. Her hips canted forward without her telling them to, coming in to contact with the front of Damon's pants, giving her another clue as to how very affected he was.

He hissed and dropped his hands to her hips, holding her still. "You know what's happening. It's just like the bloodlust, or the depression. Everything is stronger now. And just like the bloodlust, I will help you learn how to keep your emotions in check...but not right now. Right now, you're either staying or you're going, and you need to make that decision very quickly, before your body makes it for the both of us."

"I'm going," she assured him, but her legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. Her body was no longer under her command. Damon was wrong. She'd felt bloodlust. This wasn't like that. She felt like she needed Damon's hands on her more than she'd ever needed a silly thing like oxygen. And it wasn't like the depression she could barely control either. She understood that it was just a magnification of whatever sadness she was feeling. What was coursing through her veins now...could not be a magnification of _anything _she'd ever felt before. She'd lusted for Stefan. She understood that emotion. But what she'd felt then couldn't compare to what she felt now, even magnified a thousand times. "I'm going," she repeated. "But not until you answer my question. Do you believe me when I tell you how I feel, or don't you?"

Damon growled. How could she possibly be thinking clearly enough to ask questions like that _now?_ However, if it would get her out before they gave in and she could use it as another reason to hate him for a few months, he would give her the damn answer. "I believe that you believe it."

Elena stilled, shock overriding the lust for a few seconds. Barring all of the deaths that had taken place around her, that might have been the saddest thing she'd ever heard. "That's...not good enough," she whispered. Then she pulled his lips to hers.

It took a few seconds, but with the very last of his self-restraint, Damon dragged himself away. "Not if you're going to hate me tomorrow for it, Elena. Me _or _yourself."

Elena focused on his eyes once again and forced down her feelings as much as she could – admittedly, not much – so that she could be sure of the decision she was making. "Damon. I am staying. Not just because I feel like I might die if you take your hands off of me, but because I want to. Insane lust aside...I've wanted to for a long time. So we'll deal with tomorrow when it comes. But I won't regret letting myself have what I want for once."

There was one tiny part of Damon that wanted to ask about Stefan and how they were going to field his reaction. Another part of him wanted to ask if this meant she was finally making a choice, but he knew better. If this was her making _that _choice, she'd make it a lot clearer. Ultimately, his decision was made by his unrelenting, overwhelming _need _for her. He captured her lips again and pushed against her, causing a low keening sound to come from the back of her throat.

He moved his fingers to the buttons on her shirt. "No regrets?" he asked one last time, one eyebrow raised in the way that he knew drove her crazy.

"No regrets," she swore, pulling him back to her again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: **Only one more chapter after this one, I think. Damn it, I _will _finish this story if it kills me!

Keep You Here And Human

Chapter Four

"You're really doing this?" Stefan asked, his voice bleak.

"Stefan..." Elena sighed. She had been over and over this. First, Damon had to convince her, and then once she was completely on board with the idea, she had to try to convince Stefan, who utterly refused to budge on the issue. "How many times do I have to explain why this is a good idea?"

"Apparently, at least one more, because this still makes no sense to me. You're eating _people _now? You didn't even _try _my way of doing things."

Elena _had _tried, actually. She had accepted that it would be a while until she was able to live fully on animals, but she had wanted to give it a go to see what it was like, and to get a feel for if she would ever be able to go that route. She had gone with Stefan. Catching a rabbit was easy. It was just that it was so..._cute. _"I tried, Stefan. It's not for me, okay?"

"Fine. But I'm still not getting why blood bags aren't good enough for you. Caroline's doing just fine on them."

"_Caroline_ killed two people that didn't have to die. It's not like I'm _only _going to be eating people. But Damon is right. Once a week, at least until I'm sure I can control myself without anyone's help," she said. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense to her. She would take a trip out of town with Damon every Tuesday and find someone random who she could drink from, and Damon would make sure she didn't kill the person. Then she'd wipe the guy's memory and let him go, just a little anemic. She would eventually learn how to stop, even if the person meant nothing to her. She would learn control. "We're even picking up Caroline on the way."

Stefan grabbed her arm, stopping her progress toward the door and, beyond that, Damon's car. "Elena-"

"Look," she cut him off, sick of explaining the same thing again and again, with no change in his attitude. "Stefan, I'd say I'm glad the animal diet works for you, except it _doesn't_. You get a taste of human blood and you go completely off the rails! That's not who I want to be. I don't want anyone else to die because of me."

He let go of her as if she had burned him. "So you're going to eat people, but somehow manage to not kill them. And you slept with Damon. I don't even recognize you anymore, Elena. You might as well be-"

He stopped himself from saying the next word, but Elena already knew what he meant to say. It was something she'd thought to herself more than once. "I might as well be Katherine?"

Stefan stared at her, unwilling to say yes, but unable to say no.

"I'm sorry that you're hurting because of me and Damon," Elena told him. She'd said it before. She'd probably say it again. "But I'm not sorry that it happened. I'm not going to offer you any excuses. There aren't any."

"I can't believe you don't see that he took advantage of you. You're new to this life. When that urge took you, you would have been with the closest willing male. He knew that, and he should have stopped you, not indulged his own desires at your expense."

Elena's hand was on the doorknob, and she almost crushed it at his words. The worst part was that she knew Damon was just outside. She knew he could hear Stefan's hurtful words. "This is unbelievable. You've been brothers for over a century and a half, but the second you get jealous, it's like you don't know him at all." She made sure that she met his eyes. "I will say this one more time, and then I'm leaving. Damon did _not_ take advantage of me. We had sex because I wanted to, and I don't regret a second of it. The only thing I regret about my actions is how they're affecting you. Now, I _am_ going to go learn how not to kill people."

She left before he could respond and slammed the door behind her. She knew he had a reason to be angry at her and at Damon, but she hated that he kept demonizing his brother, as if she was not at all responsible for her actions.

Damon stood by his car, his eyes immediately trained on her. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek into his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

He rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. "Hey, you said no regrets, and you're sticking to it. You have _nothing _to apologize for. As far as I'm concerned, we're good." He took his hands off her and

went around the other side of the car. "Besides," he added loudly, opening her door for her, "Stefan's being a douche. He should have to do his own apologizing for that. You don't have to do it for him."

Elena's mouth twitched. Damon had made sure he was loud enough for Stefan to catch the insult. At least _his _jabs weren't so full of hurt and jealousy. For Damon, the barbs were just the way he interacted with his brother. She got into the car and waited until he was driving away from the boarding house before she said, "He won't apologize. I just thought someone should acknowledge that you're not the bad guy this time."

"For once, none of us are," he replied. "None of us can help how we feel. But speaking of bad guys...why _aren't _you more interested in Stefan's diet? Not for now, of course. It'd be insane to go that way when you're so new. But for later...I would have thought that you'd lean that way. Is it because it might have made Stefan the way he is about human blood?"

"No, it's..." Elena abruptly shook her head and stared out the passenger side window. "Nevermind. You'll think it's stupid."

"Come on, Elena. When I have ever thought anything you've said was stupid?" She turned a pointed look on him, and he amended his statement. "Fine. Anything you've said that _didn't _involve you somehow getting yourself killed."

She bit her lip, hesitating. "You promise you're not going to tell me I'm being ridiculous?"

"A vampire eating the supporting cast of _Bambi_ is ridiculous," Damon replied. "You're not doing that, so I'm sure you've got your reasons."

"Okay," she said, nodding. She took a deep breath, and then finally spilled her reasoning. "If I feed from animals, the animals will die. I mean, there's no way around it. Bunnies just don't have all that much blood to give. Stefan has to eat three or four of them to get the same nourishment that you get from a blood bag, and it doesn't make him half as strong. And it's not like I can take a tiny sip from them and then let them go." She realized she was rambling, but she was on a roll and couldn't seem to stop herself. "If they're bleeding, then they're a target for predators and they don't even have a fighting chance. And I can't feed them my blood to heal them. For one, it probably wouldn't even work, but then what if it did? What if they died with my blood in their systems?"

"An army of vampire bunnies," Damon said, managing to keep from laughing at her...barely. "The woodland creatures could finally get their revenge on Stefan."

Elena laughed. "The point is, I can feed from a human and then send him on his merry way, minus a little blood and with a fuzzy recollection of his evening. No one has to die for me to live."

"You don't want to kill anything. Human or animal," he observed, summarizing her feelings a lot more succinctly than she'd been able to.

"Exactly," she said.

Silence stretched between them as he contemplated her logic. Finally, just as they pulled up in front of Caroline's house, he said, "Don't let Stefan stress you out. Our triangle aside, you couldn't be less like Katherine."

It was with a small smile on her face that Elena got out of the car and went to retrieve her friend for their first lesson in control.

* * *

The mission was a success. Damon had to stop her from killing a frat boy with a bad attitude problem, but as soon as he diverted her attention away from the guy, she had stopped, and Damon gave her a quick tutorial on compulsion. He had a little more trouble with Caroline, who had killed her victims before, but between the two of them, they had stopped her from killing the frat boy's cheerleader girlfriend. The trip was a success, and Damon promised it would get easier.

After dropping Caroline off, Damon and Elena headed back to the boarding house. They went inside, only to find Stefan standing in the middle of the foyer, his head down and his hands in his pockets. His eyes flicked up to them briefly, and for a moment, he looked so much like the boy she'd first fallen in love with that she felt a pang in her stomach.

"Fantastic. Stefan has his guilty pose. What did you do, brother?" Damon asked.

"I didn't do this," he muttered. "It's just...really bad timing. But I swear...I didn't call her."

"Call who?" Elena asked, just as the person in question swept into the room behind Stefan.

"Who do you think?" Katherine countered. She caught the glint of the ring she'd sent Elena, newly spelled and in its place on her middle finger. "I knew that would suit you better than it does me."

Damon instantly moved to put himself between Elena and Katherine. He knew Elena was a lot stronger now...but even _his _strength was dwarfed by Katherine's. "What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"I believe it's time my doppelganger and I had a little talk," she said easily. She shifted her eyes to Elena. "Come on, Elena. Stefan tells me you have your own room here now. Why don't we go there for some privacy?"

"How about because privacy is a joke when you're surrounded by vampires? Trust me, I've learned _really _well that out of sight is most definitely _not _out of hearing range." Elena couldn't deny that she was curious why her ancestor had chosen to show up again, but if she wanted privacy, a sojourn up to her room wasn't going to do it.

"Very good. You're learning." Katherine smiled, real approval in her eyes. "You make a good point. Boys," she said, looking first at Stefan and then at Damon. "Out."

"You are absolutely out of your mind if you think I am leaving you alone with Elena," Damon said tightly, not budging from his protective stance in front of her.

She smiled at him a little. "Oh, Damon. You _want _me to talk to her, I promise."

"She won't hurt her," Stefan interjected. "Let's be honest here. She could knock us both out and take down Elena if she wanted to, but she hasn't."

"And I won't," Katherine confirmed. "Because she's my blood. In more ways than one, now. And killing her doesn't get me what I want."

She met Damon's eyes, willing him to understand her meaning. He got it immediately. She still wanted Stefan, and killing the woman Stefan loved would _not _endear her to him. He felt a small hand touch his arm. "It's okay, Damon. I want to talk to her."

He looked at his brother and nodded, then turned to Elena. "Stefan and I will go far enough where we can't hear your conversation, so long as you keep it at a reasonable volume. But if you scream, I will be here in a second. And don't be shy about running. You're really fast now, so if you need to run, we'll be to the north."

He squeezed her hand briefly, and then he was gone. Stefan tried to smile at her but couldn't quite manage it. He too was gone a moment later.

Elena opened her mouth to speak, but Katherine held up her hand, listening carefully. After a few moments, she nodded and lowered her hand. "Alright, let's get this ball rolling. There's only so long they'll stay away before they get twitchy and come back."

"Well, it's your show," she replied. "What did you come to say?"

Katherine walked into the library, taking a seat on one of the couches and waiting for Elena to join her. Elena sighed and followed. When she too sat, taking a couch opposite her ancestor, Katherine immediately launched into her purpose. "Remember when I told you that it's okay to love them both?"

Elena rolled her eyes. It was only one of the most memorable moments of her life. Well, actually, Katherine had interrupted one of the most memorable moments of her life with that revelation. "How could I forget?"

"Well, that only applied to when you were human. Now that you've turned, I take it back. You can't keep them both forever, Elena."

_Fantastic,_ Elena thought. _Now there's _another _person telling me I have to make a choice. _"This coming from the vampire that took almost a century and a half to make the same choice," she said defensively.

"Don't twist the facts to your liking," Katherine snapped at her. "I made my choice in 1864. I just never bothered to tell anyone about it until recently. Actually," she grinned, "when I think about it that way, I made my choice quicker than you have. It only took me a few weeks before I knew. It's taken you over a year."

"I wasn't questioning the whole year," Elena muttered. It was a weak excuse, and they both knew it.

"Well, you're questioning now, and that's why I'm here. I came to help you choose."

"You can't help me," she answered immediately "You want Stefan. You're biased."

"Yes, but you know that. You know my endgame. I can try to manipulate you all I want, but the effect is pretty much muted when you know what I'm trying to get. Anyway, it's not about what _I _want. It's about you. And, as much as they may deny it, every person who doesn't live in this house knows who you're going to choose. They each have their own opinions about who you _should _choose, of course, but they all know which way you're going to go. The only people who still think your choice hasn't been made are you, Stefan, and Damon."

Elena burned to ask Katherine who her choice was, if everyone was so sure. But she knew she had to make the choice for herself. She couldn't let Katherine make it for her just because it would be easier. Instead, she asked another question. "How did you make the choice? If you were telling the truth and you did really love them both...how did you choose?"

Katherine was silent for a long moment, staring at Elena and weighing the pros and cons of telling her. Finally, she said, "I am only telling you this because I know it will help me get what I want. Even so, if my answer gets out, blood or not, I _will _kill you. Do you understand?"

She nodded slowly, wondering what could be so horrible that Katherine would be so possessive of the information. "I understand. Whatever you say stays between us."

"Good." Katherine took a deep breath, stalling for time. She had never told anyone this, and she probably never would again. "I chose Stefan because...he was the one who loved what a tiny part of me, a part I generally ignore because it's silly and stupid and idealistic...he loved who that part of me wanted to be. Damon didn't."

"He loved the good part of you?" Elena asked, trying to wrap her mind around the idea.

"No, he loved _all_ of me. He was just too afraid to admit it. But Damon loved my wickedness. The sweet human girl I pretended to be for people like Papa Salvatore...he had no interest in her." She shook her head suddenly, pushing the memories of a time long past away from her. It would be no further help to the current situation. "So here's the question, Elena: who do you want to be? Nevermind who you're expected to be or who other people want you to be. At the very core of your being...who do _you_ want to be? Answer that, and you'll know your choice."

Elena leaned back into the cushions of the couch, dropping her head back so she could stare at the ceiling. She searched inside herself for what she wanted. The truth was that she wanted so many things, including both Stefan and Damon. She pushed past all that and found the truth she hadn't let herself even think because it would have made all the people around her feel so guilty, and she would have felt guilty in turn for putting such pressure on them. "I just want to be happy," she said in a very small voice.

"And?" Katherine asked.

"And Stefan keeps me happy. That's how it's been since everything went crazy. Stefan keeps me happy, and Damon keeps me alive."

"No, I meant, what else aside from happy? Happy is just one quality that you want for your future, and not a terribly descriptive one at that. Seriously, Elena, what do you want?"

At Katherine's urging, Elena continued to look inside herself to imagine what she wanted from her life. All her old dreams of children and growing old beside whoever she ended up marrying were irrelevant now, and she had to identify what her new dreams were. She thought of the conversation she'd had with Damon on their way to get Caroline, and she suddenly knew. "I want to be strong," she said, surprising herself. "I don't want to be a liability anymore. I don't want to kill anybody...but if someone comes after us again and we need to defend ourselves, I don't want to have to cower behind the people I love while they sacrifice themselves to protect me."

Katherine's smile could not have gotten any wider. That, or something like it, was what she had hoped to hear. "And who is going to love that person more? Think about it. To be strong the way you're thinking, you need a steady diet of _human _blood. Be it bagged or direct from the source...how did Stefan react to your little field trip, anyway?"

"He could hardly look at me," Elena admitted. As soon as she said it, she came to a frightening realization. "But that's not new." She thought back, wondering when that had started. Had it been after she slept with Damon? No, it was before that too. "He's barely even met my eyes since I woke up in transition."

Katherine had noticed that too, but she thought that she might have been reading too far into the situation, seeing only what she wished to see. "Why do you think he's doing that?" Katherine asked, honestly curious.

Elena's first thought was that Stefan felt guilty, but that was too obvious. He felt guilty _all the time. _Since she'd known him, she could think of very few moments when he _didn't _feel guilty. By that point, she was entirely too familiar with what guilt looked like on Stefan. It was there, but it wasn't his problem. Not currently, anyway. "I never wanted to be a vampire. I told Stefan that months ago, the first time I was sure I was going to turn. And...he never pushed it. He never even mentioned the time limit that put on our relationship. I drove myself crazy, thinking that I didn't love him enough because, if I did, I would want to turn to be with him forever. But he never brought that up, even when I couldn't stop beating myself up over it. Looking back...maybe he never wanted me to be a vampire either, and he's having almost as much trouble adjusting to the new reality as I am."

"He did keep you on a pedestal," Katherine added. "Not the normal kind of pedestal people can keep each other on, but a very special pedestal made up entirely of ways _you_ are not like _me."_ She snickered. "I think we can agree that 'not a vampire' just got crossed off that list."

"That makes sense." She paused, then admitted, "He compared me to you right before Damon and I left."

The elder vampire rolled her eyes. "Yeah. This has to stop, and soon. This is only damaging all of you and pissing me off. You can view this as manipulation if you want, but I'm going to make this very simple for you by giving you a few cold hard facts. You're drinking human blood. If you want to be the kind of strong vampire who can defend herself like you just described, then you're going to have to keep drinking it, and wherever you're getting it from, the version of Stefan that you _like_ can't do the same. How long do you think any relationship with him will last, with you guzzling the good stuff while he scrapes by on bunnies?"

Elena hated how much Katherine was right. She'd never thought of it that way, with that cold calculation, but that was why Katherine had shown up. She needed someone to tell her these things she would never think of, without trying to tip-toe around her delicate feelings. Her friends, as wonderful as they all were, could never do that. "You haven't said much about Damon," she pointed out, just to say something that didn't let Katherine know how effective she was.

"Do I really need to?" she asked. "You've already thought of all the possible downsides to being with him. That's why you're not. You _haven't_ really given enough thought to the downsides of Stefan. But if you want me to give my thoughts on Damon, you got it. Damon gave me nearly a hundred and fifty years because he loved me, and I didn't love him like that. Not enough to wait around, and not nearly as much as I loved Stefan. Imagine what he would do for a person if his feelings were reciprocated. He's _never _had that. Maybe he wouldn't even know what to do if it happened, but...even though I can't give that to him, there's not a doubt in my mind that he deserves to have it. Don't you agree?"

"Of course," Elena replied. She knew she could love Damon. She _did _love Damon. He was an extremely lovable person...when he let people see past his cruel, psychotic exterior. She knew that was extremely rare for him.

Katherine nodded and abruptly rose to her feet. "Well, I'm sure I've given you a lot to think about, and if I know my boys, they'll be heading back in a few minutes. They won't be able to stand leaving you alone with me for much longer." She headed for the door, wondering whether she should pillage Damon's blood supply or grab someone to eat once she got out of town. She sighed and turned around once more to drive the point home. "You keep thinking that loving them both is what will turn you into me, but you already do, so stop fighting it. It doesn't help anyone. What will turn you into me is letting them wonder for far too long who it is you really want. Seriously, Elena...choose one and let the other go. And if the one you let go is Stefan, make sure he knows he's welcome to find me."

Just as Katherine turned to go again, Elena spoke up once more. "Why not Damon?" Katherine paused, not turning around, and Elena elaborated. "If you loved them both, why wouldn't you want Damon if I chose Stefan? Do you not love him anymore or what?"

Katherine started walking again, still not looking back. "Damon doesn't change his mind. I don't think he'll ever love me, or anyone but you, ever again. I'm not willing to spend the _next _hundred and fifty years trying to get you out of his system. Stefan can move on. He proved that when he moved on from me." Before she left the room, she looked at Elena one last time. "Well, this has been fun. Let's try _not _to do it again at least until next century." With that, she finally took her exit, leaving Elena with entirely too many things to think about.

When Stefan and Damon returned three minutes later, Elena was still seated on a couch in the library, her head tilted back as she stared at the ceiling. When she heard their footsteps enter the room, all she could say was "Don't ask." She retreated to the privacy of her bedroom before they could argue.


End file.
